"This is going to be the fun ultrasound... we'll just make sure they're where they're supposed to be, and not in a fallopian tube, and we'll check for a heartbeat..."
...
"You're kidding."
"No, I'm not kidding... There's one sac, and a heartbeat... There's the second sac and a heartbeat..."
"But there's no bean in the third sac..."
"Not in this view, there's not..."
Three sacs, Three Beans, Three heartbeats
"You're kidding."
And just like that, our whole world changed.
The lab tech afterwards gave me an ice pack... apparently I looked ready to faint. My husband? In the lobby, getting a counseling session of his own. Now to look back on it, twins run on both sides of my family... I guess I should have had an inkling that multiples were possible. This is something neither of us saw coming. Who expects spontaneous triplets??
A few days and a trip to the high risk OB later... this is happening. We're having triplets. We're only 9 weeks. We could still lose one. I absolutely do not want that to happen, but for a few more weeks, it's still a real possibility. Their heartbeats are good, and they're measuring appropriately... two at 8 weeks 5 days, the other at 8 weeks 6 days. So far, so good.
I wasn't going to blog. One day my kids may see this, and do I really want to put all of these confusing emotions out there for them to see? I'm still not sure. But the fact is, these babies are my first... and will most likely be my last. I need to cement these memories.
I wasn't scared to find out I was pregnant. We had been trying for 2 months... this was planned. I had worked in a day care for 6 years. I've got this. Now... Now I've got triplets. Three babies. A week later, and I suppose the shock has subsided... as much as it will. Will we ever not be shocked that we're having three babies? Does that ever go away? And there's fear. Will I be okay? Will the babies be okay? The unknowns with a triplet pregnancy are so great... When will bed rest inevitably come? Will they be born premature? How premature? How much time will they need to spend in NICU? Will there be lasting developmental delays? What will life be like? We don't have the biggest house, and we certainly aren't wealthy. We can love these babies to death, but they need more than love. What are we going to do?
Our next appointment is May 22. We will be 13 weeks, and we'll be "out of the woods" of the uncertainty of the first trimester.
I am so excited that you are blogging about this! (Kind of makes me feel guilty for neglecting my own blog!) I think the emotions you are experiencing are completely normal. I remember having those same emotions with Anna... trying to get to the "next" milestone. Remember you have a whole bunch of family and friends who LOVE you and these babies. (Representing just one of the many,) We're ready and willing to help in any way we can! Just remember this saying, that I've had to tell myself over and over (with just 1 baby...), it takes a whole village to raise a child. Yes, there are going to be days you will feel like a failure, and when someone offers to help you will feel even worse... but, just remember, that taking a break... asking for help, letting others help you... does not make you a bad mommy. It makes you a smart one! You can then dedicate your time and energy to loving on those precious babies, a little bit more!!
ReplyDeleteI am sooo excited!! I want to get my baby snuggles on!!